Pines Twins: Go to School!
by anamisL1130
Summary: What happens when the Pines twins go to the wizarding school of Hogwarts? How will they survive the horrors that lie at Hogwarts?
1. Chapter 1

"Can you believe it Dipper? We're going to Hogwarts!" Mabel said to he twin walking down the crowded streets of Diagon alley.

"Yes, I actually can. I'm holding our list right here" He said as he was looking down at the acceptance letter "Ok so it says we need 3 sets of plain black work robes, a..pointed hat? Protective gloves?! What kind of school is this?" he asked himself. A sudden arm was wrapped around his shoulder belonging to none other than his sister.

"Didn't you read the letter? It's a school of magic~" she said as she made an imaginary rainbow in the air.

"Yeah I got that but-" he suddenly stopped when he noticed something "Where's Gruncle Stan?"

"I don't know, he said he was buying our books and other things so we really need the robes and wand".

They walked down the street until they made it to Ollivander's. There they were measured, Dipper was the one who asked the questions and Mable thought it was fun. In the end Dipper got a 8 ¾" rowan wand with a unicorn hair core, while Mabel got 10" hawthorn wand with a dragon heartstring core. "Hey Dipper" she said with a smile, "The crazy guy said that the longer the wand the more personality the person has. Notice mine is bigger than yours" she laughed as Dipper sighed with annoyance. "I'm sorry bro-bro I know you have gross boy things on your mind at that age". Dipper just looked up to process what she said and continued to walk. The two kept walking until Dipper walked into a blond haired female about the same age.

"Can you watch where you're going? You almost stepped on my new shoes" She said as she walked away with a fuss.

"Gee what's her problem?" Dipper asked he then was whisked away by Mabel who saw a familiar face.

"GRUNCLE STAN!" She yelled running over to him.

"Hey kids I got just what you needed. Oh and Mabel I got you something". Her eyes lit up when he held a pig. He handed her the pig and she cuddled it. Dipper felt like he was suppose to question but shrugged it off.

~Time Skip~

"Here kids now, uh, be safe alright?" Gruncle Stan said as he handed them their tickets, "See ya kids there"

"Awkward family hug time!" Mabel yelled as she scooped both stan and Dipper in her arms. They both gave in but then got weird after a few more seconds.

"Alright Mabel, let's go" Dipper said as he dragged her and Waddles away on the train.

On the train, they found an empty cart and sat inside it. Mabel was over excited and Dipper looked out the window looking at the other students getting on the train. "Where do you think we'll be placed? I hope I'll make friends" Mabel gasped as the train began to move. She looked over to Dipper who has his head in "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them" that happened to be written by their other Great Uncle Ford.

"Listen, Gnomes are considered pests in gardens due to their homes being burrows underground. Mable, this could actually be fun for the both of us!"

"That's the spirit!" She yelled, raising both arms in the air all the same her robe sleeves rolled down. Dipper merely chuckled at his sister's excitement.


	2. Chapter 2

The First years gathers outside the mess hall with a headmaster leading them. "Mmm Alright students gather 'round." A scrawny shortish man said, but of course, no one would listen to him in all the commotion. Out of nowhere, Stanley Pines appeared and just like that all the children listened up. Stanley gave the floor to Toby Determined. "Alrighty kids, there are four main houses here at hogwarts Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Gryffindor and Slytherin. The sorting hat will get that job done for you all" In all the excitement, Mable accidently bumps into a blond haired girl who looked ticked off most of the time

"Watch where you're going will you?" The blond nearly yelled

"Gee sorry it was an accident"

"Yeah well, don't let it happen again" She walked off leaving Mable to ponder over what happened.

"What just happened?"

"That is Pacifica Northwest. She thinks she's so cool because she is a pureblood" A girl with glasses and black hair said with slight disgust in her voice. Then she extended her arm out for Mabel to shake, "Hi I'm Candy" Another, more muscular female stood next to her and also smiled,

"I'm Grenada!" She said with a deep manly voice, but it goes unnoticed by everyone since it's normal. Mabel smiled because she just made friends (and in record time I may add).

All the first years entered the giant mess hall. Dipper looked at the ceiling in awe on how it replicates the night sky. It was an amazing sight to behold by those who weren't used to magic on a regular basis. The students who were already there began to sing the ridiculous school anthem (which made some of them roll their eyes). After the ceremony, Professor Determined started calling up first years. The First up was Candy Chiu, "Hufflepuff" The hat exclaimed Candy ran over to the Hufflepuff's table where they greeted her with a loud and warm welcome. Next up was Grenda who also was Hufflepuff. They were getting closer and closer to the pines where they knew they were going to be in the same house. It was an apparent shock to everyone (including Pacifica) that she was put in Gryffindor. She tried not putting up a fight for some unknown reason. Dipper was next, he was all sweaty and nervous but a good slap on his back reassured him. "Hmmm… very peculiar" the hat said

"What's peculiar?"

"Let's see, Smart like a ravenclaw, but ambious as a Slytherin. Let's put you in Gryffindor!" Dipper didn't know what that meant but was happy that he could be in a house with like minded individuals. As for Mabel she just plopped herself down on the seat as they waited for her result, "Hufflepuff!" The hat said. She was in shock, 7 long years without seeing her favourite brother all the time? As she made it to her table, a red haired older female named Wendy, assured her that she can see her brother when ever she wanted which lifted Mabel's spirits a bit.

An ominous triangle watches all the first years as if they're his new toys. "Listen Bill, I know your teaching methods are unorthodox, but if you hurt mine and Stan's grandniece and nephew I will take you down" Ford threatened while trying to look professional.

"Aw come on Ford is that really something I'd do?"

"Yes, they're my family. What beef that goes on between us shouldn't affect them"

"When was the last time my class has ever gotten a child hurt?" Ford let out a deep sigh when he recalled last school years memories of an unfortunate student falling asleep in Ford's class because of Bill's potions.

"I'm keeping my eyes on you Bill."

"And I'm keeping my eye on you Stanford" Bill blink, (which I guess was suppose to be a wink but he has one eye so it was a blink).


	3. Chapter 3

The first week of school wasn't what they expected. Let's start with Monday where Dipper and Mabel were most late to their charms class because they didn't know the stairs moved independently. Tuesday: Dipper was hit in the face with the broom and everyone laughed (luckily Mabel came in and helped him feel better). Wednesday: some students who weren't in Hufflepuff began to complain about Waddles, somehow Stan managed to convince them to let her keep the pig. Thursday was potions class and Bill began detecting points from Gryffindor every time Dipper questioned Professor Cipher. But Friday was the worst because that was the day Dipper fell head over heels for someone older than him. She was a 6th year who had long red hair and a down to earth personality he was determined to talk to her no matter what.

Dipper woke up with his mind set. "I will talk to her without looking like an idiot" he said with much confidence. The other first year Gryffindor males groaned from being woken up early on a Saturday. He let out of bed and got ready for the day making sure he looked decent while singing 'Disco Girl'. He walked out of the common room and travelled the halls hoping to "accidentally" run into her. Unfortunately he didn't on his trip to the dining hall so he sat across from his sister and her two friends.

"Morning!" Mable explained.

"Morning" he sighed back. She felt her brothers vibe was low and asked,

"Are you going through puberty?"

"W-what?! No!" he said. As he did his voiced cracked. She laughed a bit.

"Aww it's alright bro bro, I get that you're going through a weird time, thinking about girls and such. Maybe even guys." Dipper wasn't amused right now. He was more focused on a combination of food and this girl he didn't even know her name. We was so lost that he failed to notice the person who sat down next to him. "Hey Wendy!" he heard Mabel say, "Dipper, this is Wendy"

"Hey" He said somberly not even looking up

"Whoa, what's wrong with him?" Wendy asked

"Puberty" He went to deny the obvious fact but once he looked at Wendy realizing that she's the mystery girl.

"Yup, ahem… I'm getting manlier" He said in a deeper voice which made her laugh and soon himself. But his laugh was a nervous one. Is she laughing because he's funny or that he made an idiot out of himself. Just then Ford came up behind Dipper.

"Hate to interrupt you flirting but I'm gonna take you both out for lunch" he said kinda nervously

"What's the occasion?" Dipper asked normally and totally not thinking about Wendy.

"For a successful first week of school. You guys can pick the so long as it's not Taco Bell."

"Why not Taco Bell?"

"Bad things happen at taco bell" He said in the most Serious tone. The whole mess hall was silent and even a few cries were heard.

(A/n) Sorry for the wait but I just got a new phone I can write on! So I can update more often. My Ouran fan fic is done I rushed into it and I apologize for that shit show. Lastly I write these chapters in 1 session so I am sorry for the length. THANK YOU FOR READING!


	4. Chapter 4

"Alright meat sacks" Bill started, "We are gonna discuss the many wonderful ways on how to paralyze and even kill them" He was excited for this. And everyone could tell, but everyone was also scared. They never knew what to expect from him. He either took points away or poofed something up like a head that screamed forever.

"Uhh… professor Cipher sir" Dipper nervously asked while raising his hand. Bill couldn't do shit to him because Ford was always watching. He was annoyed beyond belief with Dipper's considers. It there was another way to get in Gryffindor, Bill needed to know because the kid was so skittish.

"What is it Pine Tree?"

"Well isn't that a bit… dangerous" Then Bill gave him the look as if he was saying ' _Are you fucking serious? Do you not know what kind of school you go to?'_ Of course he can't say that out loud because he knew that the show was for kids so he had to make suttle jokes that can get by the censors but will make the older demographic laugh.

He ignored Dipper's questions and took away at least 100 points from Gryffindor. After class he sat down on his throne of petrified, gold plated dragons which everyone thinks is fake. He let out a huge sigh taking himself, Alex Hirsch and the author that he had the next class block free. Suddenly the door flies open revealing a very pissed off Ford. "BILL! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU TEACHING THOSE KIDS?!" He yelled.

"Sheesh, will ya keep it down? I have a headache" He rubbed his… area next to his eye. Triangle biology is a hard subject because Bill Cipher is the only one of his kind. "Plus it's not any worse than what you're teaching them." He added

"I teach them how to defend themselves. How can they learn without real creatures? I teach them how to use their magic for good"

"Good? REMEMBER 2002 TO 2007 STANFORD! WAS IT WORTH IT?!"

"You're bringing _that_ up again?" Now he was even more pissed, "I HAD DREAMS BILL AND MAGIC WAS THE ONLY WAY TO ACHIEVE THEM!"

"REALLY? THEN WHY AREN'T YOU STARING IN ANOTHER SPIDER-MAN MOVIE? Oh wait… they don't need you as Jamieson." Before Ford could make his rebuttal, Bill brought up a bunch of printed pictures of terrible Spider-Man cosplay. None of which were flattering and one looked like it was supposed to be sexy (keywords 'supposed to'). Ford stormed out of the classroom so he can get to his class on time. Once more Bill sighed, "What did I ever see in him?" he asked himself trying to forget the memories they shared, now are just leaving a bitter taste in his…. Mind? He poofed in a radio and putting in his 'The Souls of the Damned' mix tape he just made last week. He sat there in his comfy throne, listening to the screams of the filthy sinners in hell.

 ***A/N* ok! So first things first! I have gotten a job because being a high school graduate with no idea of a future is not a good thing. 2.) I would like some sujestions (sorry for that) from you for future chapters. I will put your username in that chapter saying that you, yes you, have made this possible. Almost done, my good friend has made a RWBY story called 'Team VNLA' so read that if you want to. Last thing is that I may have to change the rating on this or language I don't know honestly just tell me if I do or not I'm no genius. THANK YOU GUYS FOR THE SUPPORT TOO!**


	5. Chapter 5

Dipper and Mabel have been caught doing something against school rules. Now, they're currently walking through the forbidden woods with Soos. Why was it forbidden? Ford just said it was so since the headmaster fully trusted him, no questions were asked.

The trio walked deep in the woods at night. Soos held the Lantern to guide the way towards...somewhere. I guess this is a good punishment for them, get lost in the woods at night with scary _CENSORED_ creatures that could murder a child. The scare straight method must work. Heck, I went to see a presentation at an Adult Correctional Institution in 8th grade and I was (kinda) freighted. Granted I wasn't a "troubled child" but hey enough about me, let's get back to the kids. Who are still walking… did I mention Waddles isn't here? If I didn't, then he's not. Nothing but walking happened for an hour. BUT THEN they heard rustling coming from the bushes. "Get behind me dudes" Soos said while pushing the twins behind him. He was also kinda scared but he couldn't show it because he was the adult.

Come to think of it… Soos and Wendy are like 5 years apart, that means they could've gone to elementary school together. They could've hung out before school started. Just imagine: Tiny Soos and an even tinier Wendy playing games. So cute.

Soos stood his ground holding the lantern, getting ready to attack. The rustling was louder and then popped out...A DERPY GNOME! Who landed on their face. "Uhhh…" Dipper began, "Is it… ok?"

"I don't, let's poke it with a stick" Mabel suggested as she grabbed the closest stick.

 _Poke_

The gnome stood up and looking as derpy as ever, said "Smebulock" and walked off.

"Huh, I wonder where he came from" Mabel looked behind the bush where it came from.

"Guys, LOOK!" Behind it was a cabin. They walked towards it, painful slowly. When they looked in the window, they saw a scruffy looking man in a red flannel shirt and a bottle of "Adult juice" sitting at a desk talking to a wax figure head of Larry King. "Who is this weirdo?"

"I don't know, but I want the wax head" Soos chuckled.

"I think his name is Alex Hirsch." Dipper said while looking at the mailbox. "Guys I think we should leave. Like Now"

"Aw come on it looks fun here" Mabel whined

"Actually, I have to side with Dipper on this one, it's time to head back. And the headmaster trusted me with you guys."

"Ok, goodbye Alex Hirsch." As they walked away, she heard a faint, yet audible 'You to Mabel'. When she turned around, the cabin was gone, like it was never there. I then cry thinking of Gravity Falls, and how Steven Universe will be even sadder because Rebecca Sugar thinks crying is funny.

 **A/N so I like to say thanks as always for reading. I do want to address that I'm non-binary and I know as a writer that's like telling someone that... your room is messy. Like you can give them the most monadne fact, bit it doesn't mean that you as a person changes or, in my case, my writting, but I feel like you guys should know. And I also have been to an ACI as a field trip in 8th grade. WHO ELES CRIED DURING THE LAST EPISODE? I know I wasn't the only one who made inhuman noises :D**


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